Frustration in chronic illness!

It has been a tough month. Realising that NO CURE means just that! I thought I had accepted that,in fact I was sure I had accepted it. However this recent health journey which I had taken on to help Gastritis and Diabetes had ignited a hope that I would see a huge improvement in my neurological disabilities. I tried to keep that hope realistic, I said all the right things. I believed myself. Yet this week has shown me that this hope went far deeper than I was aware.

It sucks when you do all that is in your power and are still sick, still disabled.

A few days ago in my last blog I had said that I would occasionally have vegetarian options. Yet in my huff and cheese relapse I found to no surprise that my body does not like high fat dairy products. What did I expect? I have no gallbladder and a duodenum that flares up and needs constant treatment even when eating plant based. It is fair to say that any vegetarian slips will be few and far between. The biggest slip was a small portion of trifle that was made for my twins 14th birthday. The pain wasn’t worth it. And my taste buds have changed so I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.

After my slip and feeling sore and fed up I had some help making a simple , spicy, sweet potato soup. I will share the recipe in a future blog it was delicious!

I suppose this blog is just a venting session. When dealing with multiple different illnesses. Trying to manage them all. Trying to do what is right but always feeling awful. It gets more than a bit discouraging. Add to that trying to be the best mum I can be for my children and their needs it can all feel a little overwhelming.

All in all I accept FND is life long and has no cure. Diabetes is here to stay. Gastritis for whatever reason appeared and isn’t going away anywhere quickly and requires medication and my blood pressure despite rarely touching caffeine and eating super healthy appears to be on the rise.

It can seem very bleak when I look at it all. Or if I think about all the medication I have to take. But what would it be like if I ate rubbish, if I didn’t try? I have to think that this way of eating is preventing a more terrible outcome.

I don’t understand why all this has happened but I have to look on the positives. The health benefits ( even if I can’t feel them). The ethical benefits and the environmental benefits. These are all good reasons to keep on keeping on. I also really enjoy the food so that is a bonus. Life is to be enjoyed for everyone but for people living with severe disabilities each small piece of joy is magnified and so much more important.

If you find yourself down in the dumps, fed up and frustrated with your illness. Know it is normal. Trying is the best we can do. When trying gets a bit too much take a break, a day or 2 to allow those feelings and once you regain emotional strength then try again. Chronic illness is an ultra marathon not a sprint. Our bodies need the best we can give them.

Thanks for reading.

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